The long road to recovery.

My battle with food started at a very young age, at 12 years old I had my first stint as an anorexic.

Food became my enemy everyday having its challenges.

I left school and followed my dreams attending a full time stage school, however two years in and the anorexia was winning.

My head became consumed with what I thought was perfection and I became addicted to losing weight and also exercise.

Little to No food and exercise not a winning double act!

My days consisted with my poor mum dropping me to the stage school door, pleading with me to eat a little something and me going the 7 hours exercising on a cracker or two.

Finally in the second term of year 2 the director of the stage school said I needed to get help, I was no longer allowed to train unless I had gained weight and could manage my demons!

To me this was like somebody had pulled the life from me, I couldn’t imagine how I would feel with out dancing!, I lost myself daily in my art and loved the freedom and carefree place dance put me in.

However looking back now this was the kindest thing they could have done for me.

My parents who had been seeking help but to no avail, as I was terribly stubborn were so relieved that the stage school had now enlisted an intervention.

So luckily for me my parents put me into one of the best private clinics for eating disorders in London and I started a long 5-month stretch to my road not only to recovery but banishing my demons.

I arrived at the clinic 17 years old 5”6 and a little under 4 stone, How I had managed to dance all day is now a mystery to me, but you seem to have a crazed inner strength as an anorexic and nothing can defeat you, so you think while in the grasp of this dishonest, lonely illness.

The days blended into each other but I had a different outlook them most of my fellow patients.

They wanted to beat the system and still let their anorexia win, I however wanted to get back to dance so decided from the moment they sectioned me into this place that I would do as I was told and get out as quickly as I could.

My second month in and a lovely girl arrived quiet, thin and hugely intelligent, we quickly became friends and decided to beat this devil of an illness together, she is still years on one of my dearest friends!

She was luckily enough to stay for only a couple of months but sadly for me the weight gain was slow and it took a full 5 months for me to reach my target of 7 stone.

Each day was filled with a diet of 3000 calories and many different forms of therapy.

The therapy was great for me and I slowly became aware of what had driven me to this point in life but it would be a long slog to get these thoughts into a realistic state and for me to be happy again.

I missed my family terribly and at times I was angry they had taken me to this place, but even then as a angry teen I knew this was for the best.

Target reached and finally I could go home and return to my stage school and the life I loved. I continued as an outpatient having weekly trips to the hospital for two years, but I can proudly say I never went back.

Seeing some of my fellow patients lose their lives to this brutal addition that anorexia becomes was so hard for me as I wanted them to be like me and beat the illness, however I was one of the lucky ones.

Anorexia destroys so many peoples lives and we need now to look at how we help patients with there road to recovery.

I do question the weight gain and how they implement it, as surly for most girls teaching healthy eating would be easier on there heads even though the weight gain recovery would be slower, I feel if they taught a healthy diet then maybe more would recover and fined that food isn’t the enemy but a fuel for happiness.

I could write on this subject for hours, and will revisit further but as they say for now this is all just food for thought!

#anorexic #food #healthy #hospitalrecovery